Tuesday, June 22, 2004

49 and Counting 

WASHINGTON, DC (Ant Farmer's Almanac Newswire) A radical new wing of the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) calling itself "The 49ers" is lobbying to require the installation of a "G (Geezer) Chip" on all television sets made after 2006 that would allow viewers 50 or older to block advertisements and programming aimed exclusively at the 18-to-49-year-old demographic.

"They don't want our business? We don't want their ads", said J.P. Manley, spokesman for the organization, adding, "Hey, we're Baby Boomers, dammit. We invented perpetual adolescence as a lifestyle choice and targeted market segment, and we've been dutifully buying whatever was dangled in front of us from hoola hoops to SUVs. We will not be ignored. Or, if you are going to ignore us, at least we're not gonna let you rub our noses in it."

The group intends to launch a massive publicity campaign, dubbed "49 and Counting", with print ads scheduled to run in "Modern Maturity", "Senior Living" and "Rolling Stone" magazines, and has established offices near Capital Hill from which to pester congress.

Reached for comment about the 49ers and their chances for success, a spokesman for the Ad Council of America said, "I'm a Giants fan, myself; Go Gang Green!" When asked about the Geezer Chip, the spokesman replied, "That new Frito-Lay thing? I like the name but I don't know how they'll sell it to 18 to 49 year olds."

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