Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Crocodile Tears Up Over Steve Irwin's Baby Stunt  

Croc Hunter's Dangling Infant Son in Front of Hungry Croc "Just Wrong" Says Hungry Croc

QUEENSLAND, Australia (Ant Farmer's Almanac Newswire) — The latest voice in the chorus of outrage over TV personality Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin's hand-feeding a hungry crocodile while holding his infant son comes from a surprising source: the hungry crocodile.

"It was just wrong," said the 13-foot-long crocodile known as Tock, interviewed from his pond at Irwin's Australian Zoo Reptile Park. "I mean, there I was, famished, no natural prey around and the guy comes over to me holding a baby — a live baby — and then he goes and gives me a dead chicken! C'mon, that's just cruel. Irwin, of all people, should know that I, like any cold-blooded reptile, would much rather nosh on a live kid than some chicken — and it wasn't even a free-range chicken. Ech, I can still taste the preservatives."

Despite Irwin's numerous public apologies, Tock remains upset. "You just don't pull a trick like that on somebody and expect a simple 'Oh, sorry, mate' to make it all better," he sniffed, "It'll be a while before I completely trust him again."

Although Irwin was unavailable for comment, when asked whether the incident would effect his future at the park, Tock said simply, "If I lose my job over this, there's gonna be a lawsuit."

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