Friday, June 25, 2004

By Any Other Name 

HOLLYWOOD, CA (Ant Farmer's Almanac Newswire) In a move that has sent shockwaves through the world of musical dinner theater, singer Robert Goulet announced that he has taken a Hebrew name and now wishes to be known as "Shlomo."

"I've heard a lot about the Kabbalah," said the veteran crooner, speaking from his dressing room in the Tri-County Arts Pavilion and Civic Center in Sapulpa, Oklahoma, as he prepared for his 347,659th performance in Lerner and Loewe's Camelot. "I'm a happening kind of cat," Goulet continued with a straight face, "And if what it takes to make it in show biz these days is to go by a single name inspired by an aspect of Jewish mysticism that consists of a large body of meditative, devotional and magical practices and speculation on the nature of divinity, the creation, the origin and fate of the soul, then I'm there, baby. Besides, some of my best friends are . . ." Goulet was interrupted at this point and summoned to the stage for his opening number.

Later, in the theater's lobby, Goulet's manager, J.P. Manley, spoke with reporters. "No, Bob's not 'on something', as has been suggested," said Manley over the strains of "If Ever I Should Leave You" coming from just a few yards away, "He did start taking a new allergy medication recently, but I don't think that's got anything to do with it, so please, let's not start any rumors about a beloved-but-fading matinee idol's heart-rending fight back from addiction that gets his name all over the tabloids and maybe even picked up by some legitimate papers and Entertainment Tonight and sparks some interest in his career."

Asked if Mr. Goulet's move was prompted by Madonna's recent adoption of the Hebrew name "Esther", Manley replied, "A lot of your A-list gentile celebrities have been taking traditionally Jewish names. Last I heard, Donny Osmond and Tony Orlando were in a nasty court fight over the rights to use the name "Shecky."

In response to a reporter's bluntly stated theory that this was just a publicity stunt to help land his client the part of Tevye in a production of "Fiddler on the Roof" scheduled to tour Florida for the next two years, Manley responded curtly, "Hey, he's trying to stay alive in a very competitive business and doing everything he can to keep himself out of Branson, Missouri and I support him in that. He's a real trouper, and if anybody deserves a couple of winters in a nice warm place, it's Bob."

As the curtain call applause dwindled and the audience headed for the exits, Manley wrapped up the press conference, saying, "Look, the show's over and Bob's gonna really need his "Claritin" right about now."

Comments: Post a Comment

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?